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Ask The Mom Whisperer: What’s Good For Reba Is Good For All Of Us

Do you get frantic late-night phone calls from your mother about your checking account balance? Does your mom ask you questions about your health insurance plan? Is your mom writing on your Facebook wall, wondering if your recent profile picture indicates you have a drinking problem? Our moms always mean well, but sometimes they just need to chill out, right? Enter The Mom Whisperer: your helpful friend who will help you distract your mom through these troubling times with the best movies and TV shows proven to lull moms into a relaxed stupor. (White wine optional.)

Dear Mom Whisperer,

My mom is really, really upset about Amanda Bynes. Every time I talk to her on the phone, she brings her up.She has all kinds of theories about what’s up with her (she thinks she’s on drugs) and what people need to do to help.  It’s driving me crazy!!! It’s like, hello, I have some problems, too, you know. Maybe it’s because I’m an only child and haven’t had to deal with this kinda thing before, but it really feels like my mom cares more about Amanda Bynes than she does about me. What should I do?

—Can’t Even Worry About Amanda

Dear Can’t Even,

First of all, you sound like you have some of your own issues that you might want to address with another advice columnist. Maybe take it easy on your mom? She’s just grateful that you’re not roaming the streets of New York in wigs or smashing bongs. Does she follow you on Twitter? Just feel easy that she probably doesn’t. You’ve got it seemingly together, so your mom is free to project her maternal worries onto a famous former child-star. That’s all!

Now, for your mom, I think you should get her to focus on Amanda’s golden years. My favorite Amanda Bynes movie is the hilarious She’s the Man, in which she plays a high school soccer star who poses as her twin brother so she can join the boys team at his boarding school. (It is based on Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night.) It has it all: surprising performances from Julie Haggerty and David Cross, a mustache montage, and a baby Channing Tatum. It’s very funny! Trust me! And it really does show what a great comic talent Bynes is. Let’s hope she pulls through this crisis and gets back to what she does best!

Dear Mom Whisperer,

My dad pulled his old NordicTrack down from the attic because my mom really wants to get into shape. But she always complains about how boring working out actually is. How can we get her to be more excited about it?

—Trackin’ In Akron

Dear Trackin’,

I don’t blame her. I hate working out! I have a gym membership but haven’t gone in months, and I feel really guilty about it not only because I’m wasting my money but because I had one free training session with a spry lady who loved me (she also asked if I wanted one of her six grandkids, ha ha ha ha). I feel like I’m disappointing her, you know? Anyway, I usually do the elliptical and listen to music, but I know a lot of people like watching TV while they work out. Did you know that Reba McEntire watches her own TV show while she’s on the treadmill? I love that so much. Seriously. Normally I would never recommend that anyone watch Reba, ever, but what works for Reba will probably work for your mom.

 

Have a question for The Mom Whisperer? Send a query to [email protected] and he’ll help you out!

 

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Photos: Everett Collection

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